still sad

whaddup no one, how’s it going?

4 days later and im still sad tbh. currently about to begin week three of couch to 5k and that’s pretty much all ive been doing at the gym. well, today i did legs- i think i have a booty already but what’s making me sad is my belly. i just want to get rid of my belly yet i want things to enter into it. doesn’t a donut sound divine right now? my lunch, that i’ll eat maybe in 1-2 hours is merely spinach, eggs, chicken breast from two days ago, bacon, and some more greens. kind of dreading it. might add acai if i’m not full or satiated. lots of things on my mind; first and foremost, it’s the fact that last time i ate a lunch like this two days ago, i felt very very weak the next day- bleh. secondly, sometimes my friends suck but i’m trying not to let that bother me. anyway, thirdly, the scale won’t go down. it isn’t pushing past 205-206 but man, it’s super depressing when my goal was to reach the 190s by the time the new year hit. almost 10 days later and i feel farther from that goal than on the last week of December. bleh bleh bleh. can’t i just lose weight? i emailed a health plan doctor program and the prices are astronomical, therefore, impossible. i guess i’m just discouraged because i want to lose the weight like yesterday and join already. i really want to talk to a recruiter already but it’s more than pointless at this juncture while i’m still out about 60lbs away from where i need to be. so today i;m still sad. yesterday i was more sad but yesterday i was also tired. i’m well rested today but sad because it doesn’t feel like i’m going anywhere. if anything, it feels like i’m going backwards. can my belly just like go away? i’m tired all the time and i’m not even losing weight!!!! i took a progress picture and compared it to the one last month and i’m literally gaining back fat. can 2020 just chill with me please? can things get easier? please. i’m just so sad i want to lose weight already

bye for now,