as mentioned in my last post, i am a fifth year (i always feel the need to mention this so i can get empathy) undergrad senior and for some reason, my mind is only focused on one thing after graduation: the AF. now let me tell you, the military is the absolutely last thing i have ever thought was possible for me. i’ve always been the fat kid and that person who is always last at everything but my mind is telling me i can one day, preferably within a year after grad in May 2020, become part of the “world’s finest AF”.
first of all, why the AF? because 1) benefits and 2) it seems tangible. now before number one rages or offends anyone, i’m 1000000% joking. what my mind considers benefits is the possibility of maybe finding someone who would like to marry me. woah nelly, let’s stop here. first, i probably sound desperate and maybe this is the case but when you live in a place that feels like a fishbowl yet having no one interested in you, you tend to somehow end up that way. secondly, this “benefit” is not only stereotyping those who are in it- i’m not, but i’m just thinking about the numbers here. there’s bound to be someone who has remote interest in plain ol’ me…. right? i just need to find someone who is maybe as desperate for something as i am and be in the right place at the right time. oh, i’ve given up on finding my one true love if you haven’t been able to tell yet. twenty two years of no one liking you, will lessen your confidence.
don’t worry, i’m absolutely sure my reality check will come no later than the flight to BMT (assuming i get there), so bear with me. and check back later to see if anyone has liked me.
so that’s where i am and catch my next post to see how i recklessly decide to try to get to where i’m hopefully gonna be one day
yours and mine,
rash, desperate, and hopeless
lost, confused, and stagnant 